21 LESSONS @ 21 II

Honestly, you just have to learn to be in control of situation because trust me the demands are not going to let
up. People’s voices are never going to drown at your insistence.
The pressure will come and you’ll feel the realness. It will
come from all facets of your life. You’ll feel it in your life spiritually, academically, emotionally, financially, socially, morally, mentally, psychologically, and the toughest in your relationships.
You’ll be torn in between making decisions and setting priorities right which is never done easily if you have so many people looking up to you or high expectations from yourself.
Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world rest on my little shoulder and I’ll wish I have a fairy Godmother like Julia Roberts or probably a more fierce one that can fight like maleficent. If you’re not in a relationship there’s pressure all around you and people start to link you up but if you’re in a relationship too my dear there are pressures too. So just face it, there will always be pressure in almost everything you do.
I’ve learnt to feel the pressure, process it and let it go if nothing good comes out of it.

I’ve made decisions that look eccentric this past year. I’ve cut off some relationships. Set myself some new rules. Changed some attitudes. Rewrite what I thought was gonna be my future. I practically renewed my way of seeing things. To some friends that don’t understand me, they thought I was just forming or probably its pride and to some, maybe I’m just depressed but to me I knew I made the right choices.
At first I could tell almost anybody that care to ask the reasons for my choices until I realized I probably didn’t owe them an explanation except when its important I talk.
As long as I keep a good communication with God and I’m attentive to his direction, I’m fine! People will talk especially loved ones and most times some decisions are not easy to explain but I’ve learnt to respect the fact that People won’t shut up. The ones that love you
the most might even be the loudest voices.
Listen to people and stuff but make sure you’re
not auditioning for the okay of humans.
Lesson 14 :- FELLOWSHIP
This ain’t just about church attendance or some little prayers or the
daily verses you supposedly meditate on.
In the past year, I’ve come to see God as my father and I’ve never been so CONVINCE about any other fact like this.
I see us in a Father-Daughter relationship where I’m the apple of his eyes (that precious daughter nothing must do). He’s committed to me his girl and I to
him as a well trained child. He has some duties and obligations
towards me, his beautiful daughter and I have
some duties and obligations towards Him too.
Its a strong family ties where we go through every ups and down together. When we have cold arguments on my choices due to youthful exuberance and sometimes full blown
fights. He provides for all my needs, teaches me everything, protects me, listens to me when I need to talk, comforts me during hard times, reprove me when I’m wrong and fight for me if need be. I have an obligation to honor and obey
and serve with the time, strength and
resources He has given me.
It makes much sense to me when I know i have a supernatural father who has my best interests in heart
and will stick out His neck for me till the very end. His words reminds me everyday of how loving a father he is and I feel the realness through the manifestation of his promises in my life. Even if I go astray like the lost sheep or act like the prodigal son, he won’t rest until I’m found and will always welcome me back with a stronger bond between us.
You cannot live your life trying to get back at someone or prove a point to someone and
continue drinking poison and expecting the person to die of it.
(Mark 11:26 NKJV) “But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.
Someone once said that to forgive a person for a suffered wrong is to release a prisoner and then realize that you were the prisoner who was released. When we walk in unforgiveness we keep ourselves in prison.
The devil can be such a sly that he’ll make you lose even when you’re on your right by allowing you to harbour bitterness towards someone. Even In the New Testament, God dealt with the root of the sin problem. When we love one another, then we do not transgress against ourselves. Instead, we seek the good of one another and thereby outsmarting the devil because he’ll have nothing against you since LOVE is the summation of all laws. You need to know that that moment when you have hurt feelings against someone you’re also putting shackles on yourself because you’re depriving your soul the freedom it should have.
I know sometimes its hard to do but Forgiveness is not about how you feel.
Forgiveness is tears and salt and a whole string of phrases like ‘I let it go,’ ‘I forgive’ and
a decision to not react or flare up at the sight or memory of that person or incident.
Forgiveness is smiling through your teeth even
when that person is not sorry and playing
dumb like you’re not bearing scars.
Forgiveness is an obligation from you since we say it in the Lord’s prayer that God should forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
No matter how tough it looks to let go of that bitterness, its your duty to love and forgive and by doing that you’re outsmarting the devil.
Lesson 16 :- SEAL YOUR LIPS
Sometimes, talk is worthless and silence is
gold. Thanks to my friend, Ayotola for the #mouthcheck formula she did which goes somewhat like
» Is it good and beneficial to the progress
of others?
» Is it fitting to the need and occasion?
» Is it a blessing?
» Is it kind and graceful?
According to 1Peter 3:9-10 , here is the recipe
for long life:
» No lying
» No deceitful, unreliable or betraying
» No evil or hurtful words
Ephesians 4:29 demands that your words be a gift,
a balm to others and foul and offensive speech
be far from your lips. There’s no tolerance for
speaking out of anger, slandering, abusing,
backbiting, blaspheming or quarreling. All these ain’t just restricted to your spirituality, even morally and socially it is not acceptable. It only speak ill of your personality and separate you from the will of God.
You need to always remember that You can’t take words back, its as fragile as the egg. A wise man once said nothing. Sticks and stones may break
your bones but words will break the heart.
Think twice, talk once or maybe not at all. Be
quick to listen and slow to talk. We know all
these things. So keep quiet.
I’m also a work in progress in this aspect but it also require a conscious effort to see the effect of the changes. So just SHUT UP! It won’t hurt to anyway. . .
Lesson 17 :- IT’S NOT TOO EARLY
This is not me being overly romantic when I
say it’s not early to start preparing for
marriage and kids irrespective of the gender. Just out of no where I suddenly realize how much I enjoy Parenting (all thanks to my kid sister). She made me see motherhood in a whole different amazing ways.
I practically skip shelves with relationship books when I go to bookshop cos it doesn’t matter to me and all I get to buy most times are books on Christianity, leadership, attitude and business neglecting that one important part of life RELATIONSHIP.
Now I realize to balance up I need to buy good books on
relationships and marriage and family that is
supposed to last a lifetime or click on that blog
link or go for that conference. If you are like I used to be trust me there is so
much you don’t know. Even those who are years deep in marriages say the same.
I’m not a pathetic feminist that doesn’t yearn for marriage. I believe my kids deserve to have better parents than I did, even if mine were the best.
Your marriage deserves to be happy and sexy and
long lasting. You deserve a lifetime of strong
bonds with the people who share blood and life
and ups and downs with you.
You can’t just expect you’ll wake up one day to be that better parent you want to be to your kids. You’ve got to prepare for it now. We should crave to be a better generation when it comes to parenting especially for some of us who knows how it feels to be a product of a bad (sour) marriage, it can be frustrating, painful & scary. I’m sure you don’t want your kids near that spot.
We are in the age where information is easy to get. Go online and download articles. Check blogs on relationship. Read books. Ask questions. Go for seminars. Learn from others not by making your own mistakes too.
You don’t run from your past and avoid repeating mistakes by running from them. You
resolve issues by facing them head on and gathering the wealth of information that was
not available before. I even got a book by Gary Chapman on marriage as a birthday gift (thanks Egbon Segun).
I pray for my future family already. I pray for the little humans in my body. I sow seeds for them in advance. I love twins and I already have awesome names for my boiz. I have specific names for my beautiful first girl and handsome boy and I can’t explain the excitement from just the thought of it. I build walls around them with the words and promises of God.
It’s not too early for you too.
Relationship is like a blank canvas. No
matter the people we are, no matter the past
and no matter the stumbling blocks, we get a
fresh white blank canvas and we have tons of
water color and we choose what to put on that
canvas. You need to learn to make good use of your canvas. Relationships will always be difficult whether it is  marital or friendship or family. Most times We stay in
relationships by choice; not
because they’re convenient. We just decide to
move past the betrayal and pain and hurt and
hardship till we can’t anymore.
Trust me the friends you keep at this age will likely be the ones you’ll be stuck with for the rest of your life. You can never undermine the effect of friendship especially if you keep the right ones. These are the kind of friends you even see as family because they’re who you see in all kinds of time. When things are right and when all goes wrong.
If you need to dump some junks, please do and move on. But you’ll definitely have some friends that are the real deal. It’s not always going to be smooth and sometimes
they feel like a stone round your neck and they
grate on your nerves but really, they contribute to lifetime memories that will grace your biography.
Lesson 19 :-  RULES
I’ve lost track on how many times I’ve been told that I’m too principled; I need to loosen up; some even say I’m proud. . . Well, as far as I’m concern, what’s bad in a little dose of pride. All I know is I set RULES that I ensure I maintain and if I can do that then no one is allowed to defile it.
Trust me, you don’t have to be in a relationship where you are being asked what you can’t give. You don’t create rules to cage yourself. NO! You create it for your freedom.
Sex is not a tool. It is a covenant. Using and abusing sex cheapens the originality of God’s plan. Because you can work around the details
of right and wrong and twist God’s word to suit you doesn’t make it spiritually appropriate.
When you start to find excuses in and out of God’s word to suit your intentions, you’re a
slave to your whims, to your flesh. And the worst part is feeling dirty & used afterwards when you know you can actually avoid feeling that way.
Good news: You can be undefiled. When it is practiced as God intends, spirituality and sexuality both draws us closer to God. There is hope because Spiritual maturity and sexual maturity go hand-in-hand, and together they hold out the promise of redemption and restoration needed by everyone who has been damaged by sexual sin.
You only need to make a conscious effort, pray, read books, stop whatever pollute your soul. . . It is feasible, trust me!
Rules are good. Fences (not walls) are good.
Confines, sometimes, are safe.
Lesson 20 :- THE SHOW MUST GO ON
That a dancer falls mid-performance doesn’t
change nada. That a model twists her ankle on
the runway makes for more drama.
In Summary: the show must go on.
Things will always crop up in life. Circumstances will
change and almost nothing will go as planned. Sorrow and tragedy will knock and
sometimes you will fall flat on your face. Your past
mistakes will hunt you and the future turns into a
beast hounding you down at night.
Amongst all these, the show must go on. You can’t afford to give up by losing hope. You can’t let your life and future be determined by your environment. You can’t judge yourself based on what people say. You can’t lose it based on your color. You must keep hoping and trying. You can’t just stop when you’re tired except you’re done. When you’re going through hell, you need to keep moving. You have to believe in yourself. I see myself as GOLD most times, whenever the road is rough, I remind myself that the gold must pass through a hot furnace before its beauty can be seen. I’m a WILDFLOWER that will thrive and survive no matter the condition of the desert.
Get up. Dust your pants. Pick your baton. Get back on track.
You have to fight some of the bad days to earn some of the best days of your life (strictly my quote).
Lesson 21 :- SELF LOVE
I’m the type of girl that can sacrifice just about anything just to please someone. Most times I forget to buy stuffs for myself because I’ll rather prefer I keep my money should someone need it. And you know what??! I get hurt most times. Then I realized being nice is not part of the fruits of the spirit (you can either proof me right or right) but its in the bible Gal 5:22. I realized all along I care about these people but careless about myself which makes me feel stupid and neglected. I discovered I need to love myself too not just my neighbours. I fell in love with myself and things changed. I gained my confidence back. I operate on a good self esteem and I don’t regret doing anything for anyone even when hurt because I’ve learnt to appreciate who I am better.
Whether I’m loved or not, I know who I am and I love myself like that. I don’t care whether I go for classes with my face nude or with my hair undone. I appreciate who I’ve grown to be.
Really, loving myself even made loving others easier. I don’t have to force anything. It comes naturally. I don’t have to live with should have(s) and could have(s). I don’t have to live with faults or blames or self pity or condemnation. My confessions of being a love being is so real that I enjoy the love of God in all facets of my life.
And I’m glad that just in this past year I’ve also learnt to appreciate the one person I’ve just started loving. . . Myself!
See you at 22!

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6 thoughts on “21 LESSONS @ 21 II

  1. well done babe and looking forward to your 22nd birthday in good health and more love, proud of you OLUWAFUNMIBIMI

  2. well done babe and looking forward to your 22nd birthday in good health and more love, proud of you OLUWAFUNMIBIMI

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