Wednesday Wisdom

Muse: Yours Truly, ME

Holding ourselves to high standards comes naturally to us as human, we usually just grow up to have expectations from ourselves and if we fail to meet up with them, we get frustrated. I know I have done this before, and, at the risk of appearing like a defeatist, I know I will do it at some point again (and trust me, I won’t let go without a fight but at the same time I know when to take a bow if it starts to drain me).

Just maybe, the key to silencing the enemy within is accepting that it is there, we are not entirely full of light (at least this fact I know ’cause I’ve got days of fighting my own demons too), there’s an element of darkness too within us but we can learn to create a higher ratio of self-affirming to self-diminishing thoughts. Maybe the goal shouldn’t be to always be positive, but to recognize when we start being self-critical so that we can shift our thoughts more quickly and effectively with each internal struggle.

Below are few pointers to stop beating yourself up every time;

1. You are not the problem : Whenever I have a challenge and I’ve gotten to the point of letting go, I usually consciously remind myself “It’s just a phase in my life”, (Believe me, this happens often). The problem is an event in your life. It isn’t who you are. Problems don’t make you bad and neither does being in that situation makes you bad or less qualified for hassle-free life.

2. Don’t blow it out of proportion : Always keep it to the situation at hand. When you notice yourself leaving the current issue and overgeneralizing your mistakes to “everything” stop, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of the issue at hand (This is one point I will keep coming back to too – you will understand better if you’re the overthinker/overanalyzer like me).

3. Channel your thoughts well : Shift your thinking from what you did wrong to what you did and do right. Take accounts of the good, it usually give intrinsic motivation to go harder and do better. What are your strengths? What are your skills? Focus on these strengths and skills, use the Pareto Principle (I’ll discuss it here one day but you can read it up).

4. Act : To get unstuck, use your mistake in a positive way, use your mistakes to influence your thoughts positively, let it motivate you, help you shape your goals, and take action to accomplish those goals.

Will you use these steps and try taking that deep breath the next time you embark on being both your judge and jury? Which one do you like the most? Kindly share the post with loved ones, and I expect to read about your opinions in the comment section.

Much Love,

Oluwafunmibi Fayemi

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