All my life, the hardest prayer I have ever prayed is the prayer of Forgiveness (not for myself but for someone). When one beautiful sunday morning, my pastor said we should pray for anyone who has ever wronged us and let go, I was amused because in my mind I didn’t see the need or thought I was pained, so for some seconds I didn’t even know what to say or who to pray for until suddenly there was an outburst of emotions and I figured there’s this one person in a bid not to feel pain, I’ve suppressed his memories from my life. Opening my mouth to let go and pray for him was the hardest prayer of my life. I did it in between painful tears and a tight chest then I realized sometimes its hard to do but Forgiveness is not about how you feel, you just have to do it when you do it. Broken heart. Tearful eyes. Painful memories.
Forgiveness is tears and salt and a whole string of phrases like ‘I let it go,’ ‘I forgive’ and a decision to not react or flare up at the sight or memory of that person or incident. I did the prayer struggling with my emotions and fighting the will to let go and it wasn’t until I finished the prayer I could breathe properly. I never realized I was carrying such an heavy load until I finished that prayer.
Forgiveness is smiling through your teeth even when that person is not sorry and playing dumb like you’re not bearing scars. After that prayer, I didn’t even need to suppress my memories, letting go just happened naturally and I don’t feel hurt anymore.
To be continued in the next post and
Happy New Month!✌